Seniors Living Without Family: How to Thrive as a Solo Ager

Who Are Solo Agers?

Baby boomers make up a significant portion of the solo agers group. They are seniors without adult children, spouses, relatives, or other support groups to rely on for company and assistance during their senior years.

Given the lack of a support system in their lives, how can solo agers thrive? Baby boomers may already be grappling with the drawbacks of being in this predicament. Concerns may come up, such as how they can battle immobility and the dependence that comes with aging, how they’ll achieve the kind of retirement they planned for if they age alone, or how they’ll get to their doctor’s appointments if they no longer drive. The good news is you can live well as a solo ager if you plan and prepare.

Who Is at Great Risk of Becoming a Solo Ager?

According to research and demographics, those most likely to age alone are:

• Older adults who are isolated
• Older adults estranged from siblings and family
• Single older adults without children
• Single or married older adults with estranged children
• Childless adults
• Single older adults with little to no social support
• Older women without support

It’s interesting to note that neither being married nor having children can safeguard us from aging alone. We may outlive our spouse or our partnership might end. Our children may be unable to care for us because of their own busy lives, or our relationships can fray due to distance or other reasons. We must build ties with people in our local community who can serve as reliable support systems for us in the future.

Geropsychologist Dr. Abby Altman has experience working with many solo agers. “In my work, I’ve observed the unique challenges that solo agers face,” she says. “These older adults don’t have the usual support from a spouse, children, or close family. This group often includes those focused on their careers or personal goals rather than starting a family, those who have outlived their partners, and individuals who might be distanced from their relatives.”

“Solo agers often encounter significant hurdles as they age without immediate family support,” Altman says. “Social isolation is a big issue. Without a built-in support network, they may feel lonely, which can lead to health struggles such as depression, anxiety, and cognitive decline. Additionally, handling finances and legal matters can become tricky, making them more susceptible to exploitation and neglect. That’s why solo agers often find it helpful to build their support systems actively. By participating in community activities, seeking advice from financial and legal professionals, and planning for future health care needs, solo agers can create a safer and more fulfilling path for their later years.”

Common Issues and Concerns of Solo Agers

Unlike older adults with family support systems, some seniors feel like elder orphans, unwanted and forgotten. Whether they are alone by choice or circumstance, they are more vulnerable to the negative effects of aging, such as:

• Being lonely. Older adults who are aging alone may feel lonely, and that can impact their physical and mental health. High levels of social connectedness only moderately buffered the loneliness associated with living alone later in life, according to a study that used data from 20 Western countries.3
• Being socially isolated. Older adults who are aging alone, feeling lonely, and not connecting socially can easily become ill. Research has linked social isolation and loneliness to higher risks for several physical and mental conditions, such as depression, Alzheimer’s disease, heart disease, and obesity.4
• Being abused. People aging alone are more vulnerable to physical, emotional, and financial abuse. Since they do not have family or friend support, they may have to turn to under-funded advocacy groups — or remain silent. Others can prey on and take advantage of them by manipulating, injuring, or stealing from them.
• Lacking financial and legal support. Some older adults have adult children who set up their finances and legal frameworks. Solo agers, however, may lack someone to answer their questions about their legal and financial affairs and to assure them they’re not being duped and they’re making the right decisions when their capabilities and cognition decline.

How to Plan the Stages as You Solo Age

The risks of aging alone can be managed by planning ahead, and the negative effects don’t have to be your reality. Carol Marak, a solo ager and expert on aging, has been chronicling her experience living alone and sharing it in articles, including one called “Baby Boomers Aging Alone Plan.5” In the article, Marak suggests that the first step to thriving is knowing some commonly understood stages of aging.

Educating yourself on the stages can help you better plan for your future alone. Below are the stages Marak discusses.

First Stage: Independence

In the first stage, you’re generally self-reliant and self-sufficient. You still have the ability to manage simple health problems, chronic ailments, and disabilities. You can rely on your own capabilities, and you do not need help from your loved ones.

This is the time to assess your place and community to determine if they can be relied upon and supportive once the aging process takes its toll. While you’re independent, consider the kind of care you may need and where you’d live in the future. Consider options such as long-term care, assisted living, or a nursing home. Plan your finances to cover future costs. Prepare documents such as your will and testament and a power of attorney.

Second Stage: Interdependence

This is the stage in your older adult life in which you need help with basic cleaning, household chores, and meal prep. The good news is you have options. You can hire caregivers and domestic helpers (often called companions, homemakers, or personal care attendants).

Group homes are an option if you don’t have complex medical needs. You can also start looking for independent living facilities and homes that have security, clean rooms, decent meals, laundry services, and cleaning services.

Third Stage: Dependence

At this stage, you are in need of help with basic daily living activities such as dressing, preparing meals, bathing, grooming, driving, cleaning, shopping, and even walking. You may be looking into medical alerts systems and home modifications, such as grab bars in the shower, to ease the transition.

Unfortunately, you don’t have a relative around to be your caregiver. About 37.1 million people in the U.S. act as unpaid caregivers, and it’s usually for family members.6

You can turn to local organizations and agencies or explore a continuing care retirement community. The facilities offer a variety of living arrangements for people who need a range of care.

Fourth Stage: Crisis Management

This is the stage in which your care needs increase, sometimes suddenly. You find yourself dependent on health professionals and medical institutions to provide your medical necessities. For older adults who had chronic ailments early in life or have a family proclivity to certain aging-related conditions and diseases, hopefully you prepared mentally, emotionally, and financially for a crisis in the later part of your life — especially if you live alone. Keep in mind that cognitive impairments may further debilitate your ability to make decisions for yourself after the crisis starts.

Fifth Stage: Institutional Care

The last stage is when you may require extensive medical and personal care. This type of care may be provided by a nursing home or hospice. Before this period, you hopefully prepared a durable medical power of attorney regarding legal decisions about your medical care needs. It will be of key importance if you are incapable of communicating or understanding what is happening around you.

The durable medical power of attorney will designate a trusted person (preferably someone you chose) to be in charge of overseeing your medical care and making health care decisions for you. It includes decisions on your tests, medications, hydration, nourishment, doctors, hospitals, surgery, and rehabilitation facilities you need.

Recommendations for Living Well as a Solo Ager

Once you’re aware of the stages, see if you can put together a preliminary checklist so you have key people in place to help you prepare for your future.

Start in these four areas:

1. Identify nearby family members or friends who can form your network. Make sure they have access to your home, computer, and any other place in which they’d need to find information about you in an emergency or during a crisis.
2. Choose a geriatric care manager as your health-care point of contact.
3. Hire a financial person to assist you with your finances.
4. Find an elder care attorney to handle your legal matters.

Here’s what Altman has to say about living well as a solo ager: “I recall working with a remarkable woman named Judith (not her real name), who found herself navigating the challenges of aging alone after her husband passed away and her children moved across the country. Judith was determined to maintain her independence, but she quickly realized that her social circle had diminished over the years. In our clinical work, we developed a plan to combat loneliness and stay engaged with her community. Judith started attending local senior center events and joined a book club, which provided her with a renewed sense of purpose and belonging. She even took a part-time volunteer role at a nearby school, sharing her knowledge with young students. Through these activities, Judith not only built a support network, but also enriched her life with meaningful connections and experiences.

“Another patient, Robert (not his real name), faced different challenges as a solo ager,” Altman says. “Despite having a successful career, he had never married or had children. As he entered his late 70s, he struggled with managing daily tasks and health issues alone. Robert’s situation underscored the importance of planning ahead. Robert started to put in motion a comprehensive plan that included hiring a part-time caregiver, setting up a medical alert system, and organizing his finances with the help of a trusted financial advisor. He also connected with a local elder care attorney to ensure his legal affairs were in order. Those steps provided Robert with peace of mind, knowing he had a reliable support system in place. His story highlights that with proactive planning and the right resources, solo agers can lead fulfilling, secure lives even in their later years.”

Resources

Know that you’re not alone! Below are some resources to turn to if you’re growing old with no family to help you.

• The National Council on Aging offers resources for older adults living alone.
• Navigating Solo was founded by a solo aging educator.
• Kiplinger will have you answer seven questions to jump-start your planning process.
• Also check out our guide to senior housing.

Here are some well-respected books on the topic of solo aging. Take some time to check them out.

• “Who Will Take Care of Me When I'm Old?” by Joy Loverde, is a compassionate and proactive book that tackles the logistical and emotional challenges of aging alone. The book offers practical advice on support networks, health care, and financial stability. It was endorsed by The Huffington Post and Forbes.
• “Essential Retirement Planning for Solo Agers: A Retirement and Aging Roadmap for Single and Childless Adults,” by Sara Zeff Geber, offers comprehensive information in a pragmatic way. It focuses on support systems, financial planning, and housing for single and childless solo agers and offers valuable insights. It was featured in MarketWatch and Next Avenue.
• “Solo and Smart: The Roadmap for a Supportive and Secure Future,” by Carol Marak, takes an empowering approach. It offers guidance on building community, long-term care, and self-advocacy. It was highlighted by AARP for its practical and motivating guidance for solo agers.