A Guide to Getting Help for Aging Parents

Signs Your Loved One May Need Extra Support

If you’re concerned an older loved one may need some help, the first step is obvious: Ask if they need help! Keep in mind, though, that they may not readily say yes even if they need it. That’s why we highly encourage spending time with them in person, which will paint a more accurate picture of their current needs.

As you spend time with your aging loved one, look for signs that could signal that they need more support.

Changes in Their Ability to Take Care of Themselves

• Their once tidy home or outdoor areas are now messy or disorganized.
• They’re no longer able to keep up with their laundry.
• Bills are piling up or utility bills are going unpaid, particularly if that is unusual for your loved one.
• They don’t seem to be using the stove safely anymore (e.g., you see scorched pots or other signs of cooking mishaps).1
• They don’t seem to be eating, or they’re not as interested in food or cooking.
• They’re not bathing as regularly or are wearing clothing inappropriate for the weather.
• They seem unusually unkempt. Maybe they’re not getting haircuts anymore or wearing clothing that’s stained or has holes, when they wouldn’t normally wear clothes in such condition.
• They have bumps or bruises, which may suggest some balance issues.
• They’re not taking needed medications regularly, and they’re unable to explain when and how they’re supposed to take their medications.
• There are changes in their driving habits, such as accidents, tickets or getting lost.

>> Our Research: Senior Driving Statistics in 2025

Changes in Their Mental or Physical Health

• They feel hopeless and uninterested in hobbies and other things they used to be interested in.
• They seem lonely and withdrawn from social connection, and they aren’t staying in touch with friends and family or participating in activities, clubs and religious organizations as they once did.
• They’ve experienced significant weight gain or loss. (Weight loss can be a sign of depression, dementia or cancer.)
• They seem confused often.
• They’ve had falls or mobility problems, such as trouble walking or getting around, including getting out of a chair.
• Their personality seems different or unusual. Maybe they are suddenly suspicious or accusatory with others, or louder or quieter than usual.2
• They’re showing significant changes in memory. Memory can be tricky, because some forgetfulness is a common sign of aging. But repeating the same questions or stories over and over, getting lost in familiar places, showing an inability to follow directions or confusing people or places may be signs of dementia.

>> Further Reading: A Guide to Dementia Memory Care

What to Do When Parents Can’t Take Care of Themselves

If you notice those signs and changes as you check in on your aging loved one, it’s time to have a discussion with them about how you can provide the support they need. It can get a little tricky if they’re not forthcoming — either to you or to themselves — about difficulties they are experiencing, and they also may refuse to consider care or senior living options.

If that’s the case, start by expressing your concerns. Cite specific examples about changes you’re seeing. You may say something like: “I noticed you don’t seem to have food in the house. Have you had trouble getting to the store?” Or: “You don’t seem to be doing your regular Thursday lunch with the girls anymore. How come?” Also ask what their wishes are regarding where and how they see themselves living as they get older.

Take concrete actions to help make their lives safer and more comfortable. Below are a few simple things you can do to start.

1. Set up regular grocery deliveries or offer to take them grocery shopping. In addition to providing for their needs, it could be a good excuse to get them out of the house and give them something to look forward to.
2. For their safety, install a walk-in tub, grab bars or railings in their home. If your loved one makes frequent nighttime trips to the bathroom, adding nightlights along the path can make those trips safer.
3. If they’re having difficulty getting to places they want to go because they can no longer drive or take public transportation safely, set up a Lyft service for them. Getting them a walker or cane may also be helpful if they’re having trouble getting around.3
4. If you are concerned about their physical or mental health, schedule appointments with their doctor or a therapist. Offer to take them to appointments too. If you can, talk with the doctor about your concerns and ask for their recommendations about next steps.

Once you’ve determined that your older loved one needs extra assistance, it’s time to tailor the support to their specific needs. Each older adult has different difficulties and requires varying types of support. You can contact one of the organizations listed below for help finding the particular resources you need. That may mean hiring a home health aide, arranging for a regular meal delivery service or lawn care, enrolling them in adult day care, or considering a senior living community.4

Senior Care Options

There are many senior care options for older adults. Here’s a summary of the types of assistance for seniors with a range of care needs.

Home Health Aide

A home health aide can help keep an older person living in their home longer even if they are ill or have suffered an injury. They can also ease the burden on family caregivers and reduce the risk of caregiver burnout. Home health-care professionals are often licensed nurses or home health aides. Someone who advertises home care services, on the other hand, may help with cleaning, shopping or meals, but is not licensed to provide health-care services. Make sure you discuss with a potential home health aide whether they’re licensed and what specific services they can provide for your loved one.

>> Learn More: Differences Between Home Care and Home Health Care

Some licensed home health aides, for example, may help with activities of daily living (ADLs), such as bathing or cooking meals, in addition to administering medications or physical therapy. Others may focus only on health services. Be aware that Medicare covers home health aide services only if a recipient is homebound and a doctor has ordered home health care.

Adult Day Care

Adult day care centers provide care and support to older adults who need support or assistance throughout the day. Adult day care may provide social support, such as meals, activities and recreation, or it may provide health-related care, such as medication management and physical therapy. Senior day care services have the goal of keeping older adults out of institutions and senior living facilities, while providing for their basic health needs.5

Assisted Living

Assisted living communities provide room and board, as well as meals, light housekeeping, scheduled transportation services and activities for older adults who need extra help with ADLs. Some adults may choose assisted living because they’re unwilling or unable to keep up with the demands of running a home, or they may simply want to join a community for the social opportunities.

Monthly fees in addition to room and board will vary depending on the community. Sometimes all meals and light housekeeping are included with the starting room fee, but that’s not always the case. Facilities usually charge extra monthly fees depending on the level of care needed. They also typically charge for help with ADLs such as bathing, dressing, toileting and medication management.

>> Further Reading: What Are Activities of Daily Living (ADLs)?

Memory Care

Memory care is specialized care for older adults with Alzheimer’s disease or other forms of dementia. Memory care programs typically have additional safety features in place, such as enclosed outdoor areas to prevent wandering. This type of senior living option typically has a smaller resident-to-caregiver ratio and staff who are trained in caring for people with cognitive issues.

Memory care usually includes cognitive exercises and therapeutic activities that can help reduce stress and anxiety in people with dementia. In addition, some senior living companies have established bridge programs for older adults in the very early stages of cognitive impairment. Bridge programs are meant to provide a higher level of assistance than is typical in assisted living while preserving the independence of folks experiencing some short-term memory difficulties.

Skilled Nursing

Skilled nursing provides residents with medical care and physical, speech and occupational therapy as needed. People may also benefit from a temporary stay in a skilled nursing facility if they need post-surgery wound care, intravenous medications or speech therapy after a stroke.

How to Find the Best Care for Your Loved One

Our senior helpline and senior living directory are free resources about the types of senior living options available, how to find senior living centers in your area, paying for senior care and where to find other types of support for seniors. In addition, below are some of the types of senior care available and how to find quality care near you.

Home Health Aide Agencies

You can find Medicare-certified home health agencies in your area by searching the database on the U.S. Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services website. You can also find a complete list of home health agencies on Medicare.gov.

Choosing the right agency is crucial. Before you decide, make sure to ask potential home health aides these questions:

• Do your aides offer the personal care services I need, such as help bathing, dressing and using the bathroom?
• Do you have staff available at night and on weekends for emergencies?
• Can you provide letters from satisfied patients, family members and doctors who testify that the agency provides good care?6

AARP also has a list of questions you should ask home health agencies, including: Do you create a written care plan for each client? Who supervises your staff, and are they bonded (insured against theft or damage to your home)?

Geriatric Care Managers and Aging Life Care Experts

Geriatric care managers and aging life care experts are usually licensed nurses or social workers who specialize in health care for older adults. In addition to providing needed care, they can help relieve stress for family caregivers who need some support.

Geriatric care managers can help create a care plan and help arrange home visits with a care manager who can evaluate your loved one’s needs. Professional care managers can be expensive, and health insurance and Medicare and Medicaid typically will not pay for the services.

If you’re able to enlist the help of a geriatric care manager, here are some important questions to ask before hiring a manager or agency:

• Are you licensed?
• How long have you been a geriatric care manager?
• Are you available for emergencies?
• How will you communicate with us? Text, email?
• Do you calculate fees in writing?
• Will you provide references?

You can search for an aging life care expert at the Aging Life Care Association. You can also ask for referrals from your doctor or members of support groups related to certain conditions.

Senior Living Communities

If you’re considering a senior living community for a loved one, you should visit the communities and interview administrators in assisted living, memory care or skilled nursing. We also recommend getting as much as you can spelled out in writing. Ask these questions during your visits:

• What is the staff-to-resident ratio during the day and night?
• Is there a medical professional, such as a doctor or nurse, on staff 24/7?
• What type of memory care training has your staff received?
• Will the facility tell me in writing about their services, specific charges and fees before I move into the home? (Note: Medicare- or Medicaid-certified nursing homes must tell you this information in writing.)7

Medicare has a super-helpful comprehensive guide to choosing a nursing facility with checklists that cover health and safety, meals, how the facility deals with complaints and refunds, and numerous other important considerations.

>> From the Pros: Our 2025 Guide to Memory Care

Also be on the lookout for signs of a poorly run facility, such as:

• The facility is not clean, brightly lit or easy to navigate.
• The residents appear unhappy.
• The facility has violations or complaints.
• There appears to be excessive use of television to keep the residents occupied.
• The staff are unwilling to answer your questions.
• The staff seems unengaged and turnover is high.
• Admissions policies and facility pricing are vague or unclear.

Resources for Help With Aging Parents

Caregiving can be incredibly difficult, but there are organizations across the country that can help. Check out our list of government and nonprofit educational and support resources for caregivers and their families. We also included links to legal and financial support and helpful apps for caregivers.

• Local governments and nonprofits can help caregivers find useful resources for seniors in need via Area Agencies on Aging (AAAs) offices. The Administration for Community Living has a look-up tool on their website to find an AAA near you.
• The Administration for Community Living (ACL) also has an Eldercare Locator database you can search for free to find support services, available caregivers, information about elder abuse, transportation for seniors, insurance and more. The ACL also has a digital guide to caregiving from a distance and a fact sheet about how to talk to your aging parents about their long-term care.
• The National Family Caregiver Support Program provides government grants to help family and informal caregivers caring for older adults. The program’s goal is to help keep older adults who want to stay in their homes living safely and independently instead of going into an institution for care. Some of the resources caregivers can tap via the program are information about area services, support groups and counseling, caregiver training, and respite care.
• Veterans who receive a pension and are homebound due to a permanent disability may be eligible to receive additional benefits to pay for home health care. Veterans who meet requirements may alternatively be eligible for VA Aid and Attendance benefits if they need assistance with ADLs or have limited eyesight. (Note: You can receive only one or the other type of benefit.)
• The Department of Veterans Affairs website also provides legal and planning resources for veterans and people caring for veterans, including information about debt resolution, retirement planning, drafting of guardianship arrangements, creating a will and much more.
• Some home health services and devices may be available to Medicare recipients who are homebound. For those who qualify, Medicare may cover the costs of part-time skilled nursing care, occupational therapy and certain medical equipment and services. The Medicare website also has a guide to help you figure out what particular type of Medicare provider your loved one may need, such as a home health aide, in-patient rehab, or a doctor or specialist.
• The Department of Health and Human Services National Institute on Aging has a digital guide on its website with resources for caregiving and to help caregivers take care of themselves as well.
• The National Aging and Disability Transportation Center brochure provides tips and information for making travel and rides safer for people with dementia.
• The National Alliance for Caregivers published a useful guide to talking to older adults about memory loss and brain health.
• There may be a local chapter of Adult Children of Aging Parents in your area, or you could start one. The nonprofit offers educational resources for more informed caregiving, podcasts, conferences and informative webinars about, for example, balancing work and caregiving and paying for senior care services.
• Facebook has dozens of caregiver support groups you can join, or you can start your own. Some are moderated by national organizations such as AARP, some are for caregivers in specific states or cities, and some are illness-specific, such as this one for caregivers of people with dementia.
• AARP’s website has a searchable database of caregiver resources in each state (registration required).
• The Alzheimer’s Association provides numerous resources at the local and national level to help caregivers navigate the particular challenges of caring for people with Alzheimer’s and dementia. There’s also a free 24/7 crisis hotline that provides assistance in 200 languages. The hotline agents can connect you with dementia experts who can provide insights about dementia-related behaviors, housing resources, stress-relief strategies and addressing safety concerns.
• Find tips and support at the website of the Caregiver Action Network.
• Look up resources in your state to learn more about government health and disability programs, disease-specific organizations and legal help on the Family Caregiver Alliance website.
• People facing a serious, life-altering illness can find information and resources for finding and paying for palliative and hospice care on the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization website CaringInfo.

>> Learn More: Paying for In-Home Care for Older Adults

Apps for Caregiving and Caregivers

• The Medisafe App reminds you to take medications and provides drug interaction warnings and keeps track of appointments. You can even send information to your doctor via the app.
• The Caregiver App by Caring Village keeps caregivers connected with one another via chat and notes functions in the app. It also keeps track of appointments and care plans, and stores important documents regarding your loved one’s health.
• The eCare21 app keeps track of medications and dosages and shares the health data you choose with your doctors.
• The CircleOf caregiver app provides an organized hub for caregiving teams to coordinate care. The app keeps track of medications and appointments, and provides a space for individual caregivers to ask for help with meals and tasks, sharing the care calendar with everyone to streamline care. CircleOf also has private group messaging and free video calls.
• In addition to charting vital health stats, medications, schedules and care tasks, the VerifyCare Caregiving app can analyze data to keep caregivers aware of trends. There are also journal and notes features and links to articles such as the Caregivers’ Voice. The app also sends medication alerts and other reminders.
• An award-winning app endorsed by health organizations, Symple can help caregivers take care of their own health while dealing with the stress of caregiving. Symple imports health data, such as sleep duration and steps, from Apple Health if you use an iPhone. The app has a journaling feature, and it can chart your eating and exercise habits, blood pressure, health symptoms and mood to keep you abreast of your own health-care needs.